I was watching a video on how our hypothalamus is the link between the endocrine and nervous systems. All in a bid to understand how I could use my mind to control the administration of hormonal messages around my body. Ultimately dictating my own existence. I got bored half way through because there were no pictures. But I gathered enough information to confirm my undying loyalty to meditation.
I haven't written on here in a while. It's all in poems, lyrics, weird statements and thoughts in my journal or phone memos. Looking over most of the material - I kind of say the same shit over and over again, with a slightly different trigger or intention each time. I like to question consciousness in a moment and either side of it. Why? I'm not sure.
It may be that I find it fascinating how humans forget they are humans...
...And they can actually human more than they are humaning right now (maybe they don't want to and that's fine too). But why would you want to be in this body and not get to know its essence? It may be that I forget to live in the moment myself. I either resist a reality or not realise it at all, which frustrates me later on. It may be that i've experienced a some what nirvana floating in the Adriatic sea with the sun on my face. I wonder why that only happens every now and again? And are other people experiencing it without a vice? Because it feels effing great! External beliefs have managed to crawl into our minds and dilute our self beliefs. Right down to a manageable, sellable consciousness weak enough to doubt that we have everything we need.
So, who cares? I do for some reason. And if you're still reading this - you may also be just as curious. I've learnt through self experimentation that a harmonious mindbody creates the best space for pure consciousness. Free of self restrictions and achieved through practiced meditation. It is a state in which you can connect to something deeper than just your physical form. That intangible electricity you sometimes feel in moments of excitement, doubt or vulnerability. Harnessed after moving through your thoughts, then your feelings and reaching a state of 'knowing'. And I feel like this is a pretty decent goal to achieve success in life.
Nature is my favourite environment in which to reach this state. Although I'm living in a city with copious amounts of rad opportunities – it's blanketed in concrete and escapism. So natural things in any form; food, clothes, lifestyle, brings me closer to the earth and my authentic self. It's also just a lot better for my health - when it's already compromised by pollution and adapting to new things all the time. There is a certain frequency my energy enjoys vibrating on when I'm in contact with things in their natural state - humans included. Nature is honest and can re anchor you when you're thoughts have gone too far or have become too toxic for your health. And wow have my thoughts travelled in the past.
I was lucky enough to grow up in the beautifully raw paradise of New Zealand. From a kid I was thrown into the splendour of the sea. I was lead under natural canopies of the rustling forrest. I would breathe in fresh untainted air of an icey mountain top. I was enveloped in the uncontrollable force of nature like it was my birthright. It was a privilege and I practice gratitude for this gift each day - even more so in opposing environments. I thought this debilitated the ability for my body to adapt with the same positivity to a completely different space. Accepting this challenge taught me otherwise.
So what has happened after saying yes to the challenge? I got excited. My soul exploded many times. My body freaked out and got fat to keep me "safe" from the "scarcity" of elements I now didn't have; money, shelter and people who understood me. I have sung really loud listening to music walking down the street. I have sat next to an old man on a park bench one night, discovered he was a leading mathematician and scientist and he blew my mind forever. I have snapchat a lot of weird stuff to my loved ones as a form of connection. I have drawn people and they have no idea (ha!). My drawings have made me some cash money (yeeeeeeah). I fell in love with an Italian guy and learnt that relationships don't need an agenda and interactions are incredible when you let go of your ego...
...I found my dream job. Two months later got made redundant and experienced the biggest disappointment of my life.
I have cried a lot. I have laughed till I cried a lot. I have reduced my care for people's opinions down to about 0.01%. I have reduced my tolerance for people that steal my energy down to about 0.5% (still working on this one). I have been scared of being blown up in the tube. I have felt completely alone and loved it more than anything and hated it more than I could explain. I pretend I'm in a movie sometimes. I have faked a range of professions from exotic private yacht dancer to a nurse to a news reporter. I have transcended my body in a deep hallucination - completely sober. I have realised I need an element of Europe in my life always. I learnt tofu is highly estrogenic and being a vegan sucks! I learnt to not get too disappointed by the human race and see joy in my immediate environment. I have missed people to the point of paralytic pain. And in general have felt, seen, heard, smelt, touched and sensed things i've never experienced before. (far out dude!).
With all this. Understanding why my body has a low tolerance for certain environments has been the biggest challenge. My hormones have never been this confused. It's like I sacrificed a section of my health for a period of stress in the form of intellectual or cultural growth. In turn I have received an education on my own body. And I don't regret it. Because through it I have learnt what I can do to control this imbalance of hormones and free myself from the idea that I can only tolerate one type of place. And yes it's just an idea. The only answer i've found to make the most difference is an enquiry into mind power. I know there is so much going around on mindfulness and meditation - it's hard to believe that a thought and awareness can change so much. But I can safely say absolutely everything I have visualised, told myself and mediated on in my life has happened. Even the 'bad' things. I don't think that is a coincidence. There is something so empowering about relying purely on the communication with your body to make decisions and choose your life. As opposed to asking every second person what they think about a decision you have ultimately already made - but are too afraid to accept on your own.
It's the reason I would recommend gently scaring yourself into a foreign way of living. It forces you to get under your own skin and understand more of yourself to control more of yourself. And why not? Fear? Half a year ago I could have written hate mail to London when I couldn't find a place to live. But it would have all been based on fear as opposed to the adventure and the lesson. Although fear is necessary for survival it has no valid place in your self exploration. Sure you can observe the fear that crops up but to accommodate it is unproductive. Vulnerability - yes this will be present and it will be your vehicle to experience the 'new'. And when you realise you can choose your thoughts and feelings through meditation. Which then impacts how those chemical messengers communicate with your body - it's a no risk no brainer. HAH!
A simple method I'm liking at the moment is this: a thought creates an emotion, that emotion creates an action and the action produces results. If you can catch your thought and reframe it or feel it, then let it go before it grows into a toxic emotion, you have just become your own master.
I'm sure there is more to write on this topic but i'll leave it for now. Any comments, shared experiences and critiques are welcome.